Local Sport

Porridge for moron

Former ECFC chairman John Russell has been sentenced to 21 months porridge for fraudulent training. HA HA HA HA HA HA GOOD!

Russell and partner-in-crime Mike Lewis both pleaded guilty to their charges, but Lewis escaped a custodial sentence with 200 hours community service. During the court case, the prosecution was astonished at how the pair could swindle to such an extent a club which had placed so much trust in them, with prosecutor Paul Dunkels stating that Russell "Was broke. He had no assets, no money and no bank account and certainly had no money to invest in Exeter City". However, the defendants reasoned that the people who trust you are actually the best ones to swindle...

Touché.

When the two fuckwits finally left the club they had managed to rack up a whopping £4.5m debt, a figure which should not be such a surprise when you look at some of the other decisions they made. During their time at the club, they appointed such great business minds as Uri Geller and Michael Jackson as honorary directors, and the pair visited Exeter in 2002 along with fellow weirdo David Blaine. Since the visit, many Exeter kids have since tried to sue Jackson for not molesting them, whilst Blaine managed a successful attempt to go 44 days without food. His attempts to go 44 days without publicity have as yet all been unsuccessful.

Russell can now expect to spend his time banged up in a dark 8' X 10' cell – a far cry from the plush 6' X 8' Chairman’s office at St James Park.