Local Sport

Diary of a long distance runner

Whilst training for the Bloody Stupid West Run - the reason I entered still eludes me - I have been regularly pounding the path from the Quay to Turf Locks and back, ensuring that on a 12 mile route I only encounter two pubs, both with queues for the bar frequently backing out of the door, thus ensuring temptation is kept at arm's length.

On this picturesque route I regularly encounter all manner of pissed off winged insects, livestock and fishermen, usually scowling as I wheeze past. However, due to my athletic physique (built for darts), I do find it necessary to stop occasionally (well habitually) in order to chat and catch my breath. The first fisherman I encountered was looking extremely pleased with his haul and was especially enjoying a great deal of success with large turbot, who seemed to be queuing up to jump on his rod. When I enquired as to his success he told me it was due to the unusual bait he was using - human tonsils. Slightly taken aback, the fisherman assured me it was all above board as he is a GP, and that patients rarely ask to keep their tonsils once removed.

The second fisherman I encountered who was reeling in shoals of fish also advised me of his secret. This fisherman was a surgeon and was using removed human appendixes in order to snare greedy salmon. A little while further down the track I noticed an elderly gentleman hauling fish out of the water with his rod in overwhelming quantities with an odd looking bait. I strode up to him in confident manner and said "Don't tell me, you're a medical man", "No", he replied "I'm a Rabbi".

Good luck to all on Sunday, and don't forget there is a Beer Festival at the Imperial after to replace those all important lost fluids.