Local Sport

Local cricket scouts looking for X-Men

After watching off-spinner Muttiah Muralitharan help Sri Lanka to victory over England in the Cricket World Cup yesterday, local sport scouts are scouring the Westcountry looking for athletes with special characteristics to allow them to benefit in their respective fields.

Muralitharan has a defect in his arm which means his bowling action does not concur with standard cricket bowling guidelines and furthermore, his 'doosra' delivery (a leg-break bowled by an off-spinner) has actually resulted in the rules being changed especially to accommodate his delivery.

There are already many genetically extraordinary creatures inhabiting the Westcountry, pockets of humanity hidden away in small hick towns and villages all over the Peninsula, specimens whose family tree looks like a stump - not so much a gene pool, as a puddle.

The variety of mutants available in the region however, makes the prospect of procreating GM sports-people with unique features to match their sporting event, a very real prospect. Indeed, some scrumpy farmers from Barnstaple who believe themselves to have two livers, are preparing for their very own Paralytic Olympics.