Letters to the Editor

Sick note

Dear friendly editor,

According to reports in the press, up to three million people have caught the shitty death virus this winter. That seems like a rather high number to me. Surely at least half of these three million have thought to themselves: "I know, why don't I call in sick on Monday with the shitty death, then I get the rest of the week off. The NHS says, don't come into work for at least two days after you've finished crapping yourself and spilling your guts. That gives me a week off with no questions asked!" What a nation of work-shy slackers. I hope this letter does not give anybody any ideas.

Bottoms-up,
Thisisnt Diseased Dave

Now that sounds like a plan, I mean, what kind of work-shy slackers would do a thing like that. Disgraceful.

It does seem that if you do catch SDV (Shitty Death Virus) then going to hospital could possibly be the worst thing to do. Hospitals are full of sick people, god knows what cocktail of diseases and viruses you could end up with, especially at the RD&E.

Best stay home with a warm cup of cocoa and put your feet up in front of repeats of Red Dwarf on Dave.

Might be an idea to get some rubber pants though...

- The Editor