World News

Jail time for Facebook userIt's easy enough to do, you're faffing around with a new application that's been added and inadvertently Facebook scans your email address book and all of a sudden you've sent requests to everybody you know.

Smoking age restrictions raisedFrom today 16-year-old hoodlums should be finding it much harder to get their hands on a pack of precious Superkings as the Government raises the age limit for buying fags.

American runs over own legsThe Phoenixville Police Department is investigating a freak accident in which a borough woman ran over both of her legs in the drive-through lane at McDonald's on Friday afternoon.

Cornwall's best beach gets own websiteWhilst some of the local inhabitants are reluctant to let the magic of electrickery into their homes in Cornwall, there are some enlightened souls who are trying to help the casual tourist with an on-line guide to Porthemmet.

Hurricane "Our Tracey" appealAs many of you know, Hurricane "Our Tracey" hit Luton, Bedfordshire and Derbyshire recently. Victims were noticed wandering around aimlessly with only Diamond White for comfort. The hurricane decimated the area, causing over £35 of damage.

Martians infect Peru with meteorite attackHundreds of people in Peru have needed medical treatment after a meteorite stuck the Earth, leaving a deep crater after impacting over the weekend near the town of Carancas in the Andes.

Shiver me timbersAvast me hearties, it be that time of year again when scurvy sons of dogs start talking like pirates, an' threatening to send ye all to Davey Jones locker as International Talk Like a Pirate Day is with us once again.

Paedophiles rejoiceThe news that all kiddie-fiddlers has been waiting for has arrived, you can now buy yourself a nice nubile 13-year-old off the net, and best of all, it's legal!