World News

Unorthodox contraceptionNorthampton General Hospital have started giving rather unusual family planning advice in an attempt to keep the local population down.

3 year old buys carAfter hacking his mom's eBay account a three year old has sucessfully bid on a £9000 Barbie pink Nissan Figaro and won.

Jack Frost to be killed offInspector Frost is to be killed off due to complaints that the portrayal of the police is unrealistic.

Hamster falls off wheelA hampster was fired at 300 miles an hour down a runway yesterday in an attempt to beat the British land-speed record. On a second run, the hampster veered off in an uncontrolable spin.

How not to rob a shopAn theif armed with a knife threatened staff in the St. Judes Co-op last night before cycling away and crashing his bicycle.

Google keelhauls piracyArrr, it be International Talk like a Pirate Day today, yet the landlubbers at Google 'ave scuppered Mad Cap'n Tom's plans for a grand, great grog-fueled pissup.

PM's wife is a slapperPolice have been questioning Cherie Blair over an assault on a 17-year-old boy which she left bruised and bleeding according to the Child Protection in Sports Unit in Scotland.

Sea men found on love boatIt has been revealed in a tribunal that the Navy are a rum bunch of dirty buggers. Porn is a daily occurrence abord ship and simply goes with life at sea.