World News

War on cheese, war on the causes of cheese

As the Americans continue to spew out propaganda about how the continuing slaughter on both sides in Iraq and Afghanistan is all part of a 'humanitarian effort', terrorist groups all over the world were left kicking themselves at the weekend after missing out on the opportunity for a 'humanitarian bomb attack'.

This Is Your Life has sunk to such hideous lows that the red book treatment was given to charmless bighead Simon Cowell on Saturday. The show brought together a group of such hateful characters as publicity whore Amanda Holden, hack scum Piers Morgan, turncoat sell-out Ben Elton and talentless minger Fergie – to name but a few. The opportunity to rid the world of these fevered egos, however, was unfortunately overlooked. The show also included many pop agents apart from Cowell such as Sharon Osborne, Pete Waterman and Louis Walsh – all of whose removal from the planet would help to rid the music industry of more soulless, spiritless, corporate little songslags/bitchbands who have all the musical creativity and inspiration of Pavarotti's flatulence. I mean, imagine there’s no boy bands, it’s not such a sin, no more chinless wonders, Take That and chuck it in the bin... Imagine all the people; listening with style.

Imagine all chart music, would be made for how it sounds, hunt down Steps and Aqua, please release the hounds... Imagine all the people; not buying commercial shiteeeeeeeeeee.

Well you may say that I’m a dreamer, but it is not just I, radio stations that play real music - and no more fucking Gemini!

Imagine musicians that write their own songs, not just thinking of the buyer, four singers don’t make a pop group, that's just a fucking choir... Imagine all the people, saying 'no' to cheese pleee eee eeze…?

You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, who'd like to meet Simon Cowell and shoot the twat with a saw aww awwn-off shotgun.