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Your country needs you!

The Secret Intelligence Services are taking applications on their website, but are now emphasising it's family friendly roles.

In the new service you and your family can holiday together in Morcombe and pop out to assassinate Anne Widdecombe in the evening, whilst the kids are with the sitter. Or how about a trip to Finland to finish off those Scooch tossers.

Unfortunately, being a spy can no longer guarantee you a shag. One frequently asked question from would-be female employees is, "Will I be used as a honey-trap?"

The SIS replies: "Absolutely not."

Shame.

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