World News

When pensioners attack

A retired postmistress savagely attacked a group of teens in what is becoming all too familiar. Pensioners are getting out of control, and something must be done.

Alma Harding, 63, set upon a group of 13-year-olds on Kenton village green, using a rolled-up copy of the church council minutes as an offensive weapon.

Mrs Harding is now facing a police investigation into claims of common assault with an offensive weapon which could land her a sentence of up to six months in chokey.

This shows clearly that the Echo campaign to ban fantasy and Samurai swords is completely toothless. If a little old lady can get hold of such an egregious weapon in a little village then the ban simply didn't go far enough.

We propose that the act be amended to include licensing for all pieces of paper and thin card, with which weapons could be fashioned, and all magazines and newsletters to be banned outright in response to this incident.

The teenager is recovering at home with his family after his brush with death, but is still being tormented by his friends and teachers for being beaten up by a little old lady.

What a wimp.

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