Agony Aunt

French fetishes

Dear Lilu

I have a really weird problem, none of my girlfriends ever seem to invite me back to their place after our inital love making sessions, I have this habbit of always wiping my knob on the curtains when i have finished having sex with them, The material on the curtains feels really nice wrapped around my cock.

I'm worried its developing into a fettish as I find myself carrying around a piece of curtain in my pocket at all times, i often find myself sneaking off to the toilet during my working hours to have a sniff of the material and a quick wank at the same time.

Is there something wrong with me?

Respectfully
Pierre

Dear Pierre,

First of all, Yes, you do indeed have a problem. Now most men like to wipe themselves on the curtains after having sex just to wind up the woman! Which I can see the funny side of too, but to actually like doing it, well that’s just weird!!! But then you are French so that explains a lot.

You say that your worried that its "developing into a fetish", well Pierre I think it already has!! Carrying bits of curtains round with you, that’s just wrong and very very sick!!!! Now there's nothing wrong with having a wank during work hours but to take the curtain with you, eeewwwww. I'm not surprised girls don't invite you back to theirs if that’s the way your going to behave, its called Social Skills, look it up. There are certain ways to behave in front of lady, and that is not one of them, contrary to beliefs.

And one final point YES there is something wrong with you, and only you can help yourself out on this one! At least you have taken the first steps into realising you have a disgusting problem by voicing your issues to me, so congratulations you're half way there!

- Lilu