Agony Aunt

Coq au vin?

Dear Lilu

I recently placed an advert looking for a 'Mature, responsible man to set my cock on fire for a home video Im making'. I've had nothing but calls making outlandish proposals involving penises; do you know any cameramen who could help me finish my series on French Cooking? Flambe Quails are my centerpiece (although my wife prefers Cock-in-Cider).

Regards, JH

JH, tbh I'm not surprised that your getting proposals involving genitalia if you worded your advert the same way you did in this letter!!!!!

If I saw an advert like that, I would have replied in exactly the same way. Maybe you should be a little more careful in how you phrase things. It's like saying 'I need my breasts to be covered in a thick gooey liquid and then kneeded in to get maximum effect and flavour'!!!! (I'm open to that - Ed)

I am sure there are plenty of "mature" men out there who would be more than happy to help you make a home video, but they would probably want to do it with your wife rather than your good self. Plus they may get the wrong idea. To me it sounds as if you like your cake and want to eat it too if you get my meaning.

I agree with your wife though, "cock in cider" sounds much more appealing than Quails....

- Lilu