Agony Aunt

Toilet troubles

Dear Lilu

I have recently learnt that I have an unhealthy obsession with toilet seats, especially dirty ones!

I keep finding myself in strange public conveniences with my head down the pan, I have no recollection of how I got there and sometimes im 4.3 to 5.6 miles from my own home (the two distances away from my favourite urinal stations).

Im at a loss, on the one hand I do enjoy the buzz of it all, running naked back home after a good session on a dirty seat but on the other the sores are being to build up and I think there may be something living in my throat.

I know that my girlfriend suspects something as she has seen me doing it.

Please agony aunt, can you help or can I come round and sniff your seat?

Yours
Michael George

Dear Toilet Sniifer,

My apologies for the late reply but to be able to give you advice on this matter I have spent several days sniffing around, just to see what all the fuss is about. To be honest I dont see the attraction but each to their own and all that.

I think this all started by you meeting men in the toilets, although I can only guess at this. The position you must have been in would leave you somewhat open!

The thing is, I don't think you want to stop doing this. You said that you like the excitement of it all, so why stop?? If its because of your girlfriend, surely, as she's seen you do this, she would have already said something? Everyone needs a hobby in life and I think this is yours...

And of course you can always come round and smell my toilet seat.

- Lilu